This is awesome
I think I am going to start a tumblr. I really like having lots of different websites I can kinda call my own. Plus, I really like the idea of tumblr. It is so simple and easy, I can write here, post photos on flickr, post cool websites on tumblr, status updates on twitter, and all other various forms of networking will be on facebook! Its genius. Anyway, this is what I wanted to post.
Kayne’s VMA meltdown craziness turned frenzy:
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It was my birthday
Well, it was a momentous occasion. I am the last out of any of my friends to turn 21. I had a lovely birthday. On the 12th I tailgated with my friends and then we all went to the bar. I hate it that I am 21 now. I want to be 20 forever. Odd I know, I just hate it that I am going to have to find a new excuse not to go out with my friends. Underage is a great excuse to stay inside, now I have no legitimate reason. I really enjoy staying at home. I don’t like crowded places and I typically don’t like strangers. If I have a good crowd to go out with then I am sure it will be fun, it just seems that with alcohol comes drama, which I am allergic to.
I have yet again expanded my photo documentary (its not really a documentary, I don’t want to put forth the effort) on football. They can be seen at length on my flickr page. Hopefully I will find motivation to do an actual long post one day. I am just getting lazy. At the same time, I am trying to find new hobbies. My most recent desire is makeup. I have never really worn makeup but have been doing it a lot lately and may actually go to a makeup seminar this weekend. We shall see how that goes.
Makeup photos:
Enough narcissism for now. Hannah will be proud of me for using that in the correct context.
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Let me preface this post
with pictures of kittens and puppies
and pretty song lyrics
Rilo Kiley: Spectacular Views
In steep cliffs
with rocks all piled up
mysteries of your passing luck
Ages past
shells and bits of foam
forming new limestone
to give things their turn
There are no bad words for the coast today
You never knew why you felt so good
in the strangest of places
Like in waiting rooms
and long lines that made you late
and mall parking lots on holidays.
There are no bad words for the coast today
when we hold our breath until nothing’s left
it all starts to fade.
We can see the stars
from where the birds make their homes
staring back at us.
Indifferent
but distanced perfectly
projected endlessly
it’s so fucking beautiful.
There are no better words for the coast today
then you ask what’s a palisade
and if we’re too late for happiness?
And now allow me to continue. I have had what most would consider to be a good month. It is now September 4th. In the past 30 days, I have successfully passed my first semester of grad school with great grades. I went to Portland which was fantastic. It was the best trip of my life, thus far. I have a new Betsey Johnson watch that is really awesome. I even got a new bedspread that is blue, to inspire creativity. I mainly bought it because it was on sale, but whatever. I have found a new favorite band, Super Mash Brothers. I have begun my second semester (but first “real” semester) of grad school. I am on the fast track to finishing grad school in a timely manner. I am taking some really awesome classes that I understand, and so far I have been able to keep up with all my homework. I have made some new friends. And I have gotten new business professional clothes. My 21st birthday is in 9 days. All of my friends are back in town.
I feel like there is some sort of feeling that I am grasping at but just not getting. It is very frustrating. I got mono around the second week of grad school- around the second week in July. At first, it didn’t really bother me a lot. I was super tired and my body hurt constantly, but besides that I was fine. I figured that when I got back from Portland I would go back to waitressing on the weekends and I would feel better. The doctor told me it was only a 4-6 week illness. I got back from Portland and went back to the doctor and still had mono. No worries, I would just give it two more weeks and I’d feel better and I could go back to work. The tiredness has gotten worse. The body pains come and go, but when I have them (more often than not) they are really bad.
I am writing this post mainly to apologize for my shafty behavior. My mindset has sort of set itself around the mono. I feel like it is holding me back from everything I should be doing. I can hardly clean my house. I feel like there is so much more I need to be accomplishing- such as working on the weekends- that I am just not able to do. This mindset has sort of taken over my personality. I am mopey and pessimistic and depressed (not like legit depressed or anything). I am so ready to feel better and not have to deal with the semi-constant pain and frustration that it is all I can focus on. Any small thing is pissing me off or upsetting me. I am blowing tiny issues into huge ordeals. I am making mountains out of mole hills. This is not fair at all to my friends. As such, I have distanced myself from my friends and even my family a bit. For that I am sorry. I have been blowing up at people and my tolerance for anything is so low that I have figured it best to just not talk to everyone as much.
Now I realize that you all love me and think this is not the best decision. I can barely tolerate myself. You know that feeling that you get when you just feel entirely out of body, like you are hovering over yourself and watching what you are doing but don’t have much control over it? That is how I have felt for the past few weeks. Allow me to emphasize something: I have so, so much to be happy for. I am in a place in my life I never, ever thought I would get to. I have really great friends. My parents and family are fantastic. I have lots of neat things and a cool house and a great Master’s program. Although Alabama sucks and I hate the geographic region, I honestly don’t have much longer to go until I finish my degree. I am on a very positive career path. I am not dating anyone and I am happy about that (I sometimes struggle with this happiness and question it, but I know this is the place I am supposed to be in).
Maybe I need Jesus. Or maybe just Zanex. But I really honestly can’t wait till this mono clears out. I need it to so bad, I can barely explain it. I literally laid in bed crying tonight out of frustration. I am very sorry to those I have hurt or distanced or who are worried about me. I am just angry. I am going to try and make a conscious effort to think positive. Once I resign myself to a fate it is hard for me to break my mind free of it. So be patient with me, I’ll come around. <3
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In recent news….
I received my copy of Snow Leopard! And despite what the haters say, I love it. It is much faster. My grad school classes are going well. I am thoroughly enjoying two of them. The only one that is not a ton of fun is Research Methods. It is easy but I want to fall asleep so bad during class. I still have mono, and it is starting to make me angry. I have my third doctor’s appointment today to see if my blood cells are back to normal. If they are not, I have to wait two more weeks and go back to the doctor again. I hate having the blood drawn but I suppose it is a necessary evil. The last tech to take my blood was hysterical. She made fun of me the whole time and told me that when she got off work that night she was gonna go home and tell her husband about me. I am just ready to not feel so bad. I am also ready to go back to my other job waitressing. I almost miss it.
I don’t recall if I ever updated on Inglourious Basterds and District 9. Here are my reviews:
Inglourious Basterds: This movie is a Tarantino masterpiece. It is his best work since Pulp Fiction. I loved it so much that I have seen it three times this week. I didn’t even see Harry Potter that many times. It is very, very funny, but it also has its slow times. My favorite parts are the ones with Brad Pitt in them, obviously. He makes the movie funny. Go see it. Immediately.
District 9: I would have been better off seeing this movie on its own, not after Inglorious Basterds. It was very good, but IB was better, so it did not impress me as much as it could have. This is my own fault. However, the concept is new and fresh, so that was exciting. It was very graphic and a little gross so I was turned off a bit. I definitely recommend this movie to any and all. It wasn’t funny but it definitely very dramatic. I will most definitely watch it again.
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Hur
Over the years I have had a multitude of hair colors. Recently they have been really cool, but my hair has been falling out and I am trying to get “real” jobs so I have dyed it back to a normal, drab color. Here is an archive of the cool hair colors I’ve had. Note: I am getting weary of being incredibly narcissistic, as has been seen in the past few posts. Even though this blog is kind of about me, I know everyone gets really tired of hearing about me from time to time. So hopefully this will be the last blog entirely about myself for a while.Another note: I got a flickr pro account, so I am just trying to utilize it 
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And, now, back to life
I have been neglecting my blog. First things first: my summer semester ended and I did well. A few days after I got done, I went to Portland, OR to see my childhood bff (or one of them) Valorie. I fell in love with the West coast when Scott and I drove out earlier this year, so I was very excited to go back. Portland blew me away. On the plane ride in, the pilot acted as a tour guide and told us about the mountains we were passing over. It was then that I feel in love. Again. Val picked me up from the airport and we commenced a day of shopping in the downtown area. Everyone on the streets looked so unique, like they have their own story to tell. That is one of the things I hate about Auburn. There is almost no uniqueness among our student body. If I have seen one student in Nike shorts and leggings in their sorority shirts, I have seen them all. But in Portland it was different. The city also has the biggest homeless rate among teenagers than anywhere else in the country, and this was evident.
Val and I spent my week there traveling the coast. She took me down Highway 101 which runs along the coast of Portland, and the day was foggy and magnificent. I was in absolute heaven. We took the top off the Jeep and drove for several hours before stopping at a little mom and pop restaurant where we ate the best halibut and chips in the world. She then told me we should turn back around and go up to Astoria before heading home. I jumped at this. I grew up on the Goonies, one of the greatest movies ever made. Valorie was oblivious to the societal impact the movie has made because she has never seen it before. We made the drive into Astoria and it was just like the movie- foggy and overcast. We got to actually stop by the Goonie’s house and I stood in the yard where Chunk once did the Truffle Shuffle. It was pure magic. We also went by the jail where the Fratellies brother escaped and the museum where Mikey and Brand’s dad worked.
During my time there we also went to see Mount Hood, which was majestic. I never get to see real mountains, so this was an amazing opportunity for me. It was 44 degrees on the mountain. Here in Alabama, it was 97 degrees with 90% humidity. We went to a hot springs, which was also pretty neat. There were community tubs where several naked people drank beer and got high. One of the things that I loved most about Oregon was that these people engaging in said activities were in no danger of getting arrested (note: I did not get naked or high in a community hot springs tub. Just observed). Progressive states make me really happy. I am starting to realize that a progressive state is little more than a liberal state. When we were shopping downtown, there was a sex store on the corner of one of the busier intersections. This would never, ever, ever happen in Alabama. I am starting to get turned off to closed mindedness.
A photographer for one of the websites I frequent lives in Portland and I had him come out to Val’s house and take some photos of me, which can be seen under the “portfolio” tab, and below. He was really nice and is one of the 8% of born and raised Portland natives. He made me realize how backward the south truly is (if this hasn’t been revealed to me a hundred thousand times already).
Overall, this trip made me want to move even more than I did previously. My desire to leave has nothing to do with my friends or family, whom I cherish and love dearly. It has more to do with the suffocating feeling I got as soon as my plane left the gorgeous mountainous West coast and began its decent into the flat, humid, unattractive south. I cried when Val dropped me off at the airport, not because I would miss her (I will) but more so because I just did not want to come home at all. I hope to go back to Portland many, many more times.
As soon as I got back to Auburn I started my second semester of grad school. My classes are going to be lots of fun, with the exception of my Research Methods class. I am taking a PhD seminar in Public Finance that is going to be lots of fun (I hope I am not speaking too quickly). The material we covered on the first day is all things that I loved the most in my undergrad and all have a lot to do with microeconomics as it applies to policies. My seminar in PA class will be fun too. We get to read a book that I have already begun work on, Between the Dog and the Fireplug. I am excited to discuss that in class.
Tomorrow I go to see Inglorious Basterds and District 9, look for reviews soon!
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Portland Slideshow
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